He's still working on me!

I'm sitting here thinking about "attempting" another blog post...but not so sure if I can through everything...with a fussing 2 yr old by my side.  Ironic, based on what I want to blog about (as you'll hopefully read).  I should just close the laptop and play with him, right?!  Well, he's only fussing for me to hold him and reality is that my life doesn't quite revolve around him so...I'll try moving to the floor and he can just play around me.  Or ON me, ok Judah, whatever works!:)

So I REALLY feel like I'm being worked on, changed, challenged, grown...in the way I 'mother'.  It's been a week of so many different, exciting, scary, uncertain thoughts but I sense them from the Lord and so mostly it's just exciting (ok, and scary).  *Judah is currently on my back, sticking a pen through my braid, which is pulling my hair, but hey, at least he's no longer screaming, right?  These are the things I'll be enduring, and learning to love, more often.*

Let me just start by saying, for those of you don't know me, that I have 4 amazing children.  Mayah just turned 7, Alayna will be 6 in Sept (they're 15 mos apart), Jakob is 3 1/2 and Judah just turned 2.  We didn't quite plan on having 4 kids in 5 years but hey, this is what we've been given!  *Judah's on to hammering on his tool set now, too bad Glenn's trying to sleep in prep for working all night, but it's so much easier typing sitting up, without a 2 yr old my your back!*  Where was I?  So, we've had baby's for the past 7 yrs really and just NOW starting to get out of the baby stages.  And with Jakob (finally) potty-training, we're down to only ONE in diapers...vs. having two in diapers most of our parenting years:)  All of that to explain that we've mostly been in "immediate-care" mode.  This includes all of the daily needs of dependent children:  feeding, clothing, bathing, wiping, teeth-brushing, hair-brushing and doing, playing with, reading to, disciplining, putting to bed and getting out of bed, teaching, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc,....you get the picture I'm sure!  I FINALLY feel like we're somewhat getting out of that constant-ness of doing everything for everyone.  Mayah can shower herself and Alayna is well on her way so now we're mostly down to just bathing 2 kids vs. 4.  It's the little things like this that is moving us into a new stage, and me into a new way of mothering!

During most of the past 7 years, my focus (I'm saying "my" because this is my blog post, BUT please know that Glenn is right in this with me) has been the primary care of 4 kids, of their physical needs MUCH more than their other needs.  I'm so thankful that the Lord is opening my mind and heart at this very time, when it's so badly needed, to change my focus from primary care to spiritual nurturing!!!  I feel like up 'til this point I've been fairly apathetic regarding their well-being.  Like I just haven't invested ALL that they need to grow in the Lord, grow into godly characters and grow into who the Lord wants them to be. 

Believe me, I'm not claiming to know how to do this well yet...it's just what the Lord is stirring up in me, what He's giving me a passion for.  My passion in life, as a young girl, was to be a wife & mom, and a nurse.  I am all 3 of those.  My passion has still been nursing, even though I haven't worked in that field, really since Mayah was born.  During a recent sermon at church, that pastor spoke on how we should align our passion in life with furthering God's kingdom, because most likely he puts a passion in us, a burning desire in our hearts, for what we're GOOD at, for what HE can use us in to enhance HIS kingdom.  I felt so strongly that day that since my passion is, was, always has been nursing, that I should pursue that again.  I even cried that morning, having felt such a stirring from the Holy Spirit.  (And I don't often cry, since I'm on zoloft...just throwing out more honesty):)  I even went so far as a meeting with a nursing counselor at HACC, applying to and being accepted to school there, in hopes of furthering my nursing degree.  Then reality, once again, set in and I thought "how in the world can I go to school right now? with my kids in the stages they're in?"  So I decided to put that off for some more, not sure when that right time will be....
But is the Lord changing my passion?  Is HE giving me a new passion?  Is all of this part of the work He's still doing in me???  I don't yet know but I have some suspicions;)

One of the biggest things I've been pondering this week is how to be the kind of mother that the Lord is calling me to be, calling us as Christian moms to be.  There are 1001 (plus a few) ways that we can read on how to be the best mom to our kids...secular views and "christian" views alike.  There are even MORE pressures put on us as to what kind of woman, parent, wife, etc, etc, etc to be.  I feel like most of these very ideas are what causes so much of my guilt, my lack of self-worth, my frequent doubt in how I mother.  All of this is right where the enemy wants me, wants us...having a little pity-party for where we are in life.  Well, to this I have been given an idea (I believe from the Lord).  I am going to TRY to throw pretty much all of that by the way-side and listen no more!  You might be wondering what advice I'm going to learn from now then, in how I mother?  Good question and here's my answer....GOD and HIS WORD!  I'm starting to study what the Bible has to say about what kind of mother (& woman) I should be, and try to make those things my new standards, NOT what the world says, and not even necessarily what other believers have to say (especially if it contradicts God's word)....ok, feel free to gasp in horror because I said I won't even listen to christians anymore***I won't be able to hear you:)  Seriously though, while I feel like, and I know, that there are many godly woman who have MUCH godly advice to offer on this topic, even THAT adds undue pressure.  I think to myself, "well if that woman said/does/teaches/disciplines/dresses/acts/decorates/meal-plans/mothers THAT way (and she's just SO amazingly awesome) then I too must say/do/teach/discipline/dress/act/decorate/meal-plan/mother that way too!"  duh, kendra! 

That's sorta the old me.  I say "sorta" because we don't change overnight, or even in a week, but it's a process and THESE are things that are running through my mind lately.  I only have to align my mothering with what the LORD says, not what anyone else says, right?  RIGHT!  How freeing of a realization this is for me!  Now to research just what the bible DOES say about I'm to mother.  Well today is just the beginning of some of my "research" and as you can imagine, there have been just a few interruptions.  Oh well, that's my life and I'm finding JOY it in:)

One of the verses I came across this morning is Deut. 6: 6-7.    "And you commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.  Tie them to your hands and wear them on your foreheads as reminders.  Write them on your doorposts and on your gates." 

Vinyl wall decals anyone?:)  I just picked up 3 at Berean yesterday at 50% off.  I'll share some pics in another post...

May the Lord TRULY bless each of you mother's today, in some way that's clearly evident to you!